I'm free..

I'm finally free. After months and months, i have my life back, i have my goals back, i have my  mind and body back! But before i dig into any of that, introductions: my name's Elena, I'm from italy and for 2 years i lived with an eating disorder, and self-harm and loads of crap nobody wants to hear about. i'm only 15 and my parents soon caught up with what i was doing, so they sent me to a shrink, they monitored my every move, forced me to eat and hardly gave me any freedom. now, just over a year after i started therapy, i convinced them that i no longer need it, that i can manage on my own, and that i have overcome the self-hate that caused all this.
I lied.
I still hate myself, i still feel like i don't deserve food or love or friendship, like i have no right to wish, to dream, to want... not when i'm this big a failure, so huge, so awkward and clumsy and weak. But i'll get there, in that blissful place i was a year ago. The starving, the bones, the trembling, the coffee and the ice cubes, the running, the insomnia, and the sense of safety when you saw the numbers on the scale go down day by day. I've got to get there, and i've got a long way to go. in this past year i gained 37 pounds, to get "healthy". in other words i've become a fat cow. Well that's the bare basics, and for now it'll have to do.

Sooo:
Starting weight: 101 lbs (45.8 kg)
low weight: 92 lbs (41.7 kg)
Current weight: 130 lbs (58.8 kg)
Short-term goal weight: 120 lbs (54.4 kg)
Ultimate goal weight: 95 lbs (43.0 kg) or less.
height: 5ft, 3 in.